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My POV
Brian A. Wilson
The Baloney Files, Volume One, Number One
Periodically, I will spend my column debunking some of the Great Hollywood Myths. To paraphrase a Voglerian analogy derived from "The Writers Journey," these are the myths told over and over by threshold guardians, shape shifters and antagonists in order to deter you from your quest for the grail.
In short, it's B.S. repeated as true by those in Hollywood who would love to see you fail, if for no other reason than it would make them feel better about themselves.
Let's start with the statement that might be The King of All Baloney: "Gee, that's a tough sell."
Someone actually said this to me at a party the other night. I hadn't even divulged the logline, merely the genre, of my script! Even that snippet of information was sufficient to bring the discouraging death blow that said, in subtext, "You're wasting your time and should stop writing that immediately."
If you've written anything, you've weathered this attack. If you haven't endured it, well good for you, but it's coming. Now, for entertainment's sake, let's pursue the "Kung Fu" approach. Let's ward off this attack by embracing its logic.
To say something is a TOUGH sell is to imply there's an EASY sell in Tinseltown. Man, aren't all of us who pay rent and buy groceries lookin' for THAT baby! Easy sell, big money, nice house, gas-guzzling SUV. Hell yes!
But I digress.
Come along as I walk hand in hand with Negative Nellie and examine some genres. Let's see if we can find the elusive yet lucrative Easy Sell.
HORROR: Expensive. Been done to death. Virtually anything you do will seem derivative. Its violent content is even under attack from Congress, fer chrissakes. Avoid like the plague!
COMEDY. Doesn't travel well overseas. Rarely appreciated for what it is by readers. Oscar ignores it as a matter of course. Only a few big stars can really pull it off, and Messrs. Carrey, Hanks and Stiller are tied up. Avoid it like fake vomit!
WESTERN. Sure, Eastwood did it, but even HE couldn't revive the genre. For every Unforgiven, for the occasional Silverado, there are a dozen like "The Quick and the Dead." Expensive. Avoid like the hangman's noose!
ACTION. Who's gonna star in it? Ancient Arnold? Family-man Bruce? Jean-Claude- done-nothing lately? The price is so through the roof, only a microscopic selection of stars could carry it. Even with a big name, no studio is gonna tote the note alone, and that means trying to get TWO studios interested. Long shot, anyone? Besides, Congress hates this genre, too. Avoid it like an exploding tanker truck!
ROMANTIC COMEDY. Well at least you might hook an actor or two. But that'll be the end of your joy as you watch your soft, low-plot, seen-that-conflict story drift slowly to development hell, thwarted by the somber exec who can't believe anybody really wants to watch a 20-something TV star throw herself on a 70-something box office sure thing. Avoid like a cabbage fart on a first date!
PERIOD PIECE. Good Lord, how can you even bring this up? Haven't you been paying attention?! It's the worst of everything! Contempo audiences can't relate! A budget that could bust Brinks! No stars known for working in the genre! Sure, there was that one Titanic thing, but that was a bigger fluke than Free Willy's tail. C'mon, face it: no one cares about the past and there's nothing to be learned from it. Avoid like Death Valley in August!
PURE DRAMA. OK. If you write something that'll put Dennis Franz's butt crack on the big screen, you might have a shot. But he's busy in TV. Pure drama? Nah. Avoid like, well, Dennis Franz's butt crack!
"See there?" Negative Nellie would say with glee. "It's impossible. Everything you might write is problematic. Nothing is an easy sell."
Give the Devil his/her due: Negative Nellie is right. Everything IS a tough sell.
But think how LIBERATING that is! Look at it this way: You can't go wrong! There is no easy path that you're not taking, so you get to enjoy the one you're on!
So here's a thought: Write what you want. Tell a good story we haven't heard before.
Enjoy your obsession.
And if a party boor tells you what you're doing is a tough sell, you can say, "Yeah, I know--almost impossible. Isn't that great?!"
Write well,
Brian Wilson
LA
Note: Currently Brian is writing a screenplay that's a period actioner with comedic elements and romantic undertones set against the horror of western drama. He is certain it will be an easy sell. |
