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PHONE BOOTH by Tom McCurrie
A great premise can get your script a long way. PHONE BOOTH is proof of that.
(Warning: Spoilers Ahead!)
A top-notch premise needs to be three things: 1) it needs to be fresh, 2) it needs to be commercial, and 3) it needs to be short (so it can be pitched to easily distracted studio execs).
Written by B-movie maven Larry Cohen, PHONE BOOTH's premise scores on all three counts. Here goes: A guy is held hostage in a phone booth by a sniper no one can see. Very short, very fresh, and very commercial (sort of like PANIC ROOM with even less space, and even more suspense).
Think of your premise as a road leading to the end of your story. The stronger the premise, the more likely you'll stay on that road to see how the premise works itself out. A tired premise on the other hand will make you lose interest and veer off into a ditch like a sleep-deprived trucker.
This doesn't happen with PHONE BOOTH, even though the premise is rather thin. After all, a story that's restricted to a phone booth isn't going to sustain itself forever. So Cohen doesn't overplay the concept -- PHONE BOOTH runs about 81 minutes with credits, on the short side for a feature, but the perfect length for this particular idea.
PHONE BOOTH does other things right, too. Cohen gives us a main character with dimension and arc. Colin Farrell's sleazy publicist makes his living lying, whether it's to his clients, his wife -- or his mistress. But when the sniper forces Farrell to confess these lies in public, this confident huckster has a painful breakdown -- not only because these revelations are humiliating, but because whatever's good inside him is finally coming to the surface after years of self-deception. PHONE BOOTH shows the struggle to reform in all its complexity (and agony), providing the story with a potent emotional center.
Cohen also supplies well-placed twists to keep the tension rising -- and the audience watching. We learn the sniper not only bugged the phone booth, he planted a gun as well, forcing Farrell into suicide by cop. These twists ratchet up the suspense, making the villain appear unbeatable.
The only twist that doesn't work is the last one, but that's no fault of the script. It seems a pizza guy who tried to deliver a pie to Farrell was the sniper. But in a final switcheroo, it turns out the real killer set the pizza guy up for the fall and escaped.
Now this ain't a bad twist. But the sniper was voiced by the immediately recognizable Kiefer Sutherland, and the actor playing the pizza guy definitely wasn't Mr. 24. So we all saw this twist comin'. Next time pick a less distinctive voice, guys.
This twist brings up another point. Usually movies where the villain escapes fail to provide closure, and thus fail to work dramatically.
But maybe we're looking at this script the wrong way. For example: if you look at PHONE BOOTH as social satire, criticizing the narcissism, the corruption and the outright lies plaguing modern society, the villain's victory is dramatically sound. In order for Farrell (the symbol of society) to be reformed, the villain needs to win and win utterly. But he especially needs to escape, for his constant threat will keep society from slipping back into its old corrupt ways.
Here's another angle: if you look at PHONE BOOTH as a modern-day horror movie, it also makes sense for the villain to escape. After all, the bogeyman never dies, does he? (This also helps set the stage for a sequel, which studio execs are wont to drool over.)
For new writers, premise is king. Focus on coming up with as short, fresh and commercial a premise as possible. It may not guarantee a sale, but it'll guarantee you notice, which is often enough to put you on the road to a career.
Responses, comments and general two-cents worth can be E-mailed to gillis662000@yahoo.com.
A graduate of USC's School of Cinema-Television, Tom McCurrie has worked as a development executive and a story analyst. He is currently a screenwriter living in Los Angeles.
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