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THE HULK by Tom McCurrie
(With a Foreward by The Hulk)
Hulk like to smash. Hulk want to see Hulk smash in movie about Hulk. Hulk sit with popcorn. Wait for Hulk to smash. Clock tick-tock. Hulk no smash. Clock tick-tock more. Still wait to see Hulk smash. Still wait to see Hulk. Hulk eat popcorn. Hulk get tired. Hulk fall asleep...
Yes, folks, this is The Hulk's reaction to the first forty-odd minutes of Ang Lee's adaptation of the Stan Lee-Jack Kirby perennial. Though it picks up steam as it goes along, THE HULK can't quite overcome the filmmakers' decision to treat its subject so seriously...and so freakin' slowly.
(Warning: Spoilers Ahead!)
Now everyone knows how The Hulk became The Hulk. A bunch of gamma rays zapped Doc Bruce Banner, turning him into a mean green machine every time someone looked at him cross-eyed.
Simple enough to get across, right? Not for the script by John Turman, Michael France and James Schamus. These dudes drag out the set-up longer than your typical Oscar telecast. Bruce isn't even hit by the gamma rays till thirty minutes in (about thirty pages of screenplay). That's the end of the First Act, way too late to sustain interest. I mean, we all know Bruce is going to go bonkers once zapped, so let's get to the action! The zapping should have happened by Page 15 at the latest. As it is now, the transformation doesn't occur till the 45-minute mark. By that time, you forget the movie's about The Hulk.
Now maybe I'm being a little too hard on the writers. They wanted to be faithful to the original comic and set up two things: Banner's genetic predisposition towards Hulkiness, and the repressed memory of his mother's murder. So they had to slog through Bruce's childhood. Fair enough, but did they have to slog so long? Movies move, guys. This exposition should have been compressed, or sprinkled through the narrative in short, compact flashbacks. After all, once we see Baby Bruce, we still have to set up Banner's ex-girlfriend, her father and a scientific rival. By the time we slog through all this, we're ready to nod off.
Still, once The Hulk does go green, the effects are often exhilarating. I bought the CGI Hulk big time. And I loved the way they pushed The Hulk's powers way past Ferrigno-land, having him leap like a rabid jumping bean or piggyback a jet fighter into the stratosphere.
But the script eventually lets the effects down. It brings up interesting issues only to drop them wholesale. For instance, the pic suggests that deep down Bruce enjoys all the hurting and smashing. This gives an intriguing spin to the usual good guy superhero, but the theme disappears as quickly as it's broached. After all, The Hulk only smashes when attacked, and even when he demolishes tanks and helicopters, he never seems to hurt anybody. This is the "nice" Hulk, I guess.
However, my biggest beef with THE HULK is that it is too dour, making the over two-hour movie seem even more sluggish. Now maybe on the page this story can play as solemn as a funeral dirge, but in the more realistic medium of film, it becomes too ridiculous to believe without some leavening humor. Unfortunately, we only get unintentional laughs as The Hulk battles a mutant poodle, or tries to overwhelm Nick Nolte's mega-ham performance by hollering even louder than he does. Too bad Ang didn't follow the lead of SPIDER-MAN, which combined the touching and the tongue-in-cheek with masterful results (and tremendous box-office coin).
Now a word about Ang's directorial style. It mimics the look of a comic panel, with all the wipes, split-screens and odd angles Universal's money can buy. It's cool, but it doesn't save the movie. With a script so lacking in pace and humor, no style could. A weak story is a weak story. Directorial razzle-dazzle can make it watchable, but it can't make it good.
As The Hulk himself would say -- next time Hulk see TERMINATOR 3.
Responses, comments and general two-cents worth can be E-mailed to gillis662000@yahoo.com.
A graduate of USC's School of Cinema-Television, Tom McCurrie has worked as a development executive and a story analyst. He is currently a screenwriter living in Los Angeles.
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