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Listen up thou gnarling horn-mad foot-licker! And you too-Thou paunchy lily-livered malkin!
I've come to warn you of the black dogs. You'll find them roaming deserted roads throughout the British Isles. Roughly the size of a calf, they move in utter silence, except for the clicking of their claws. The chill despondency and despair these dogs cause when spotted is why there are no detailed descriptions of their appearance. While a companion is no guarantee for safety-for one might see the dog and the other might not-it offers better protection than walking alone. It is said your best companion is Ean MacEndroe, a descendant of Loch Ewe. He rescued a fairy once and in return he and his descendants were given perpetual immunity from the black dog's power.
Want to see the Nixes? You can recognize their human form by the wet hem of their clothes. In Norse folklore, they are water spirits who lure people into the water. Males assume many different shapes, including that of a human, fish, and snake. Females are beautiful women with the tail of a fish. Nixes are considered as malignant in some quarters, but harmless and friendly in others.
So is there a point to this mad-cap palaver? Well, yes. I recently discovered two web sites that hold special power for writers. The most useful is the Encyclopedia Mythica, a site devoted to mythology, folklore and legend. Whether you're researching a specific myth or folklore personage, or just seek idle recreation and inspiration, you'll find it a great resource. Go to www.pantheon.org and spend some time. You never know when you'll need the Nixes in your story.
Of less practical use, but great fun and a source of unusual mellifluous sounding words is the Random Elizabethan Curse Generator (www.tower.org/insult/insult.html). Tower.org is a self-proclaimed center for geek thought since 1994. Believe it or not, there are more than 388,000 possible Elizabethan curse combinations on the site.
So next time you're totally thwarted by an addle-brained production company executive, look him/her in the eye and curse: "Thou waggish paper-faced snipe!"
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