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Everyone has a fear - or fears. It doesn't matter who you are. Fears keep us awake at night. Fears keep us from doing what we need to do. Fears stop us from taking that first step... or that final step. We play it safe when we should take a chance.
Fear is nothing new to our world. We're so comfortable with fears that we've named them, no matter how weird they may seem - fear of water, fear of heights, fear of alien abduction, fear of sloppy old lady kisses... even fear of success.
I've often wondered if I fear success. Let's face facts, people. If you hit it big in entertainment, it's like no other success in the world. Oil billionaires don't get bothered as much as Todd Bridges. Directors and producers you wouldn't recognize have to build complicated security systems around their homes to keep away the people who know their names. Do you know the name of the guy who owns Ford? Mercedes? How about the president of Italy? The name of the girl who played Punky Brewster? THAT you know.
Everyone has fears.
As a screenwriter, I dream of the day when I'm sitting at a table with representatives of a production company who are preparing to write me a check for my first script sale. The offer comes across the table... I lift the scrap of paper and glance at it like it's my second card at the blackjack table... and my poker face is instantly gone. I lift the paper completely off the table, certain that there's another digit or two that I've overlooked.
While I stare, horrified, at the number on the paper, one of the production company reps explains to me that, since this is my first sale, it's customary that whoever buys my script screw me on the deal and make me feel as insignificant as possible. It's like making a freshman eat a goldfish and wash it down with toilet water. You want to join our fraternity, you suffer at our hands. We all went through it, and this is our retaliation. You can look forward to the day when you get to do something crappy to a newcomer.
Oh, goodie.
I understand why new actors get paid less money than Mel Gibson or Julia Roberts. I understand why the cast of a new show makes less money than the cast of Friends or Frasier. I don't understand why you would pay more or less money for a product depending on who you're buying it from. I didn't ask the Kellogg Company who boxed my Rice Krispies. Whether it's Wanda, Achmal or Weird Ferdie, it's $3.99 a box. If Mr. Kellogg himself boxed up this cereal, I wouldn't pay any more, and if a monkey with a giant screw in his forehead packaged it, I wouldn't expect to pay any less.
My greatest dream is also my greatest fear.
To me, telling a writer that you'll only pay this low amount because it's his first sale is, simply, telling the writer that he's not worth paying because he's nobody. "The script is great - we just can't justify paying YOU a decent price for it." Nowhere else does this rule apply when you're talking about the exact same product or service. You'd pay the same price for a car whether the salesperson was making his first sale or his 8000th. Don't tell me you'd pay more for this exact same script if somebody else's name was on it. Better yet, don't tell me not to take it personally. Of all the crap writers get while they struggle towards this point, this is the one thing that is nothing BUT personal.
It's not going to stop me.
My second greatest fear is that I'll be incredibly successful, and- one day -it will all go away, and I'll end up as one of those pathetic people who don't know how to die with dignity. The only thing more annoying than someone who will do anything to get in front of the camera is someone who will do anything to STAY in front of the camera. It's an addiction. All the money in the world can't buy fame... until now.
With the "demand" for reality TV, people with money can now buy fame - or extend it. You can marry a millionaire, watch a movie star discover new talent, cook with a sitcom queen or see a rock icon clean dog poop.
I hope when my time in this town comes to an end, I'll use what money I've earned for something a little more altruistic. No one wants to watch a TV show of me sitting in front of the TV.
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