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What I mostly wanted to do with this column is teach you how to navigate the Hollywood maze. Since I haven't sold a script or gotten an agent, I don't feel that it's right to tell you how to do either one. I've said it before: what works for one will not work for all. Hell - it might not even work a second time.
All I can tell you is what hasn't worked for me, and what I'm doing about all the other things in my life that provide the writer support system we all need. While we write, so must we sleep, eat, make money, live indoors and keep our phone and electricity on. We must find motivation, travel here and there, and communicate on every level.
Here are some survival tips:
USE COUPONS - I know you think you'll make more contacts and look cooler shopping at Gelson's and Trader Joe's, but your money will go a lot further at Ralphs. Weekly sales and double coupons can bring a box of cereal from $4.89 down to 99 cents. This week, I got two boxes of Rice Krispies for a buck, 10 ears of corn for $2, three packs of hot dogs for a dollar, and free toothpaste, bologna and Lunchables. Yes, rich and famous people do shop at the fancier stores... but you're not one of those people. Don't spend all your money on hope - you'll need that money for food.
GET SOME SLEEP - Up all night doing nothing accomplishes nothing. Just like addicts need to get away from the people who will drag them down, so do you. Just because they advertise exercise equipment on TV at 3AM doesn't mean you're gonna use that Nordic Trak for anything more than a hamper.
SPAY/NEUTER YOUR PET - Millions of unwanted animals are euthanized every year. Even if you find a home for those kittens or puppies, there's no guarantee that those homes will last forever. Besides, there are puppies and kittens already here that need a home first. Don't you already have enough to do without looking for a home for a litter of babies?
DON'T WRITE WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE - You should be writing, not TRYING to write. It's okay to take the time to figure out your story, but don't strain your brain trying to crap out a turd pile just because you think it will sell. If you don't want to see it on the screen, what makes you think other people want to see it? This does not apply to "work for hire" stuff. If someone is paying you to write a piece of crap, then work is work. No house painter is going to turn down a gig just because some nutball wants his house painted purple with silver glitter. A job's a job.
WATCH "COPS" - If you're ever feeling down about your life, an episode of COPS will make you feel better.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - This only applies to those of you that don't suck. If you suck, give up and get out of everyone else's way.
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